I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
