she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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