So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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