Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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