9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
