Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
