wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
