you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
