You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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