Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
