so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
