Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
