The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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