my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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