bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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