Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
