So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
