ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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