I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
