I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
