Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The air was thick with penises
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
