but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
