You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
