I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
