i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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