I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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