tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
