She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize