Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Everyone says I win the strip club
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
