In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
