Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize