I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
