If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
