Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
