he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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