Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
