I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
