i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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