I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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