So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
