we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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