the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
