and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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