thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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