I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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