so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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