...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
