Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Vodka?
Forever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
