I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
