I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
