Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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