This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
