There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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