youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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