no, he came in my armpit
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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