You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
